Nov. 1, 2023

TRAINER'S EYE #62 - "Overcoming Substance Abuse with Pokemon" ft. The Card Library

Show Notes
Transcript

In this Pokemon interview, we are joined by The Card Library, a Pokemon Trainer from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania who started playing Pokemon GO to help with his sobriety journey and eventually started collecting Pokemon cards.

The Card Library delves into his past, where substance abuse, and alcohol consumed his life. Through his candid account, we gain a raw and unfiltered perspective on the struggles he faced, and the turning point that led him towards a path of sobriety. Discover how the captivating world of Pokemon became his sanctuary, offering structure, solace, and connecting him with the childlike wonder that he had lost due to substance abuse.

The Card Library shares how Pokemon continues to be an integral part of his life. Now, he finds joy and happiness in collecting Pokemon Trading Cards and eagerly opens packs on his Instagram account to share with others who are interested in collecting or pack openings for the Pokemon Trading Card game.

Trainer's Eye is a series where the stories are real and people still play this game. From PVP to Shiny Hunting, each person's Pokemon GO journey is unique and we dive into each journey here on As The Pokeball Turns!

Sources
Opening Song: "Forget You" by Alex_MakeMusic from Pixabay

Connect with The Card Library: Instagram

Send us a text

Support the show

Connect with David Hernandez: Linktree
E-mail Me: asthepokeballturnspodcast@gmail.com

Join Our Discord Community!
https://discord.gg/AqAbD7FbRt

Transcript

WEBVTT

00:00:00.083 --> 00:00:03.662
My name is David Hernandez, and you're listening to As the Pokeball Turns.

00:00:44.009 --> 00:00:49.439
Welcome to As the Pokeball Turns, where the stories are real and people still play this game.

00:00:49.740 --> 00:00:55.049
The fun part when it comes to our Pokemon journeys is the different twists and turns they can take.

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When I learned about an individual's journey to sobriety, intertwining with their journey with Pokemon, I was compelled to invite them onto the show to share their story.

00:01:04.147 --> 00:01:06.307
Drug addiction is definitely a heavy topic.

00:01:06.620 --> 00:01:12.750
As many as 35 million people throughout the entire world are dealing with substance abuse in some shape or form.

00:01:13.069 --> 00:01:24.126
The road to sobriety is challenging from both a social standpoint, such as prior friends and habits, to even genetics where if your family has a history of drug addiction, you're more likely to fall victim to drug addiction as well.

00:01:24.442 --> 00:01:29.620
The one common factor between sobriety and Pokemon is that it's dangerous to go out alone.

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You need friends.

00:01:31.299 --> 00:01:32.629
You need companionship.

00:01:32.959 --> 00:01:35.530
And for my guest today, you need Pokemon.

00:01:35.826 --> 00:01:40.757
From Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, here is his origin story into the world of Pokemon Go.

00:01:41.079 --> 00:01:43.242
This is the Card Library.

00:01:44.415 --> 00:01:51.094
Today, I'm joined by someone you may have never heard before, but after this episode, you hopefully won't forget.

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He's here to share how he overcame drug addiction with Pokemon., the Card Library.

00:01:56.037 --> 00:01:57.257
Welcome to the show.

00:01:57.433 --> 00:01:59.623
Hey, thanks for having me man, I'm pumped to be here

00:02:00.227 --> 00:02:06.007
Definitely, and were talking before we started recording, on how it took a couple months because my message went to your spam box.

00:02:06.638 --> 00:02:14.588
And the fact that you started hinting at your story a couple of years ago and I'm excited to see how Pokemon has been able to keep you off drugs.

00:02:14.899 --> 00:02:17.748
My first question is this though, is how long have you been clean?

00:02:18.343 --> 00:02:26.532
sure so I've been clean for a little over five years I can actually probably get an exact Number because I have a fancy little app that tells me.

00:02:27.135 --> 00:02:31.052
Five years four months and six days today So it's been a little bit.

00:02:31.652 --> 00:02:36.677
And how has your life changed now that you've become clean compared to when you were using drugs?

00:02:37.282 --> 00:02:38.962
it's almost indescribable, right?

00:02:39.301 --> 00:02:50.496
a lot of people, including myself, when they're living in active addiction, once they realize that this is not the way they want to live anymore, they just want a normal, good, productive life, right?

00:02:50.906 --> 00:02:53.975
and so that's what I set out to do when I went to go get clean, right?

00:02:53.975 --> 00:02:59.777
I just wanted to have a good life that I was proud of and enjoyed being a part of every day.

00:03:00.177 --> 00:03:01.729
And that's, where we're at, right?

00:03:01.758 --> 00:03:04.018
Like, I'm grateful for the life that I have today.

00:03:04.318 --> 00:03:06.698
I have all the things that are quote unquote normal, right?

00:03:06.698 --> 00:03:07.768
I have a place to live.

00:03:08.038 --> 00:03:14.062
I'm Married to a woman I really care about all of these things that seemed so impossible, right?

00:03:14.062 --> 00:03:25.072
Like I'm getting my master's right now All of these things that were impossible when I was living in active addiction there was so much more room for them to come into my life Once I did get clean

00:03:25.669 --> 00:03:26.368
Yeah, that's fair.

00:03:26.368 --> 00:03:32.618
And before we dive into more of the heavy stuff, which we will get to heavy for sure, when did you first start playing Pokemon Go?

00:03:33.219 --> 00:03:35.500
I started the day after it came out.

00:03:35.500 --> 00:03:40.520
I wish I could say I was one of those people with the, 7 6 2016 badge in my app.

00:03:40.530 --> 00:03:42.960
But I started on July 7th, 2016.

00:03:43.349 --> 00:03:50.330
I've been a Pokemon fan my whole life, so this was a no brainer when the app released, of course I'm gonna get out there and see what this is about.

00:03:50.927 --> 00:03:53.048
What was it about Pokemon Go that appealed to you?

00:03:53.645 --> 00:03:57.420
it was just like a really accessible Pokemon game for me.

00:03:57.420 --> 00:03:57.631
Right.

00:03:57.631 --> 00:04:00.399
To have on my phone, I could have it open on my desk at work.

00:04:00.399 --> 00:04:02.498
on the bus, walking around campus, right?

00:04:02.498 --> 00:04:05.179
It was a way that Pokemon could travel with me everywhere.

00:04:05.477 --> 00:04:10.956
I've played all the Nintendo DS games and all the way back to the Game Boy games, not to date myself, right?

00:04:10.956 --> 00:04:13.576
But Pokemon Red was my first Pokemon game.

00:04:13.877 --> 00:04:18.838
but this is like a different level of accessibility to Pokemon for me, right?

00:04:19.190 --> 00:04:21.841
always in my pocket, didn't have to turn a whole system on, right?

00:04:22.057 --> 00:04:32.444
Hit the app, you're in the Pokemon world, right, and there's Pokemon all around you to catch, and I was just like, immediately, obsessed with this game, right, like oh, this is a fun thing, and I'm gonna play this for a long time.

00:04:33.978 --> 00:04:36.158
Where would you go to play when the game first launched?

00:04:36.747 --> 00:04:41.999
So, when it first launched, I lived in like a more, suburban, rural area, right?

00:04:42.303 --> 00:04:45.213
I've had two very distinct playing experiences, right?

00:04:45.213 --> 00:04:53.533
when it first launched, I would walk around my office building, I would have it out in the grocery store, you know, these places that had high like density of spawns, right?

00:04:53.833 --> 00:04:56.423
whereas like my house where I lived was in the middle of nowhere.

00:04:56.423 --> 00:05:00.833
So I was like on this like desert Pokemon island, when I was just sitting on my couch, right?

00:05:01.137 --> 00:05:10.834
And now that I'm in Philly, there's so many great places, there's parks, there's trails, if you're just out to eat at a restaurant, you're within range of, God knows how many Pokestops or gyms, right?

00:05:10.845 --> 00:05:15.805
So, the landscape of what playing has looked like for me, has changed with where I've lived.

00:05:16.391 --> 00:05:21.071
You said how you currently live in Philly So where do people go for say like a raid day or community day?

00:05:21.668 --> 00:05:26.718
So there's major places like, Washington Square Park or Rittenhouse, which are like right in center city.

00:05:27.014 --> 00:05:36.557
but like any park, like any little enclave of green within the city of Philadelphia is a great place to go for like GoFest is a lot of fun at like Rittenhouse, right?

00:05:36.858 --> 00:05:49.778
I like to play the game like who else is here playing Pokemon Go and if you really pay attention you can it's obvious right people who are walking around in circles for four hours with their phones out with their charging banks with the wire going to their backpack, right?

00:05:49.798 --> 00:05:52.987
Like, oh, there's somebody that's somebody I can go talk to.

00:05:53.290 --> 00:05:55.661
and these parks are like, A city block in size.

00:05:55.670 --> 00:05:56.880
So they're pretty big, right.

00:05:56.880 --> 00:06:01.184
And for a park in the middle of a city these are all really fun places in Philly to play.

00:06:01.785 --> 00:06:04.714
Now the one thing about Pokemon Go is that there's multiple ways to play this game.

00:06:04.714 --> 00:06:07.894
There's people who collect, there's people who shiny hunt, there's people who do PvP.

00:06:08.194 --> 00:06:09.935
What's your way to engage with this game?

00:06:09.935 --> 00:06:10.884
What do you like to do?

00:06:11.579 --> 00:06:13.439
Oh, I'm a collector through and through.

00:06:13.459 --> 00:06:17.324
and as I was mentioned to you I do other things in the Pokemon world, right?

00:06:17.324 --> 00:06:23.324
Like I love collecting cards like to me, Pokemon is about as corny as it sounds, it's about getting, catching them all, right?

00:06:23.324 --> 00:06:28.548
Like it's about going out there and catching all of them and filling your Pokédex and that's how I play this game.

00:06:28.557 --> 00:06:34.002
Like I'm never more driven than when there's a new Pokémon out there or a new shiny that I don't have.

00:06:34.432 --> 00:06:35.432
That's what I want to do.

00:06:35.451 --> 00:06:36.461
I want to go get that.

00:06:36.752 --> 00:06:40.771
if I need to get X amount of candies, that's my goal until it happens.

00:06:40.771 --> 00:06:41.112
Right.

00:06:41.420 --> 00:06:42.959
so I'm definitely a collector.

00:06:42.970 --> 00:06:44.312
I like filling the Pokédex.

00:06:44.312 --> 00:06:51.172
I like shiny hunting, shiny hunting is actually a relatively new thing for me with Pokemon Go.

00:06:51.172 --> 00:06:57.255
because of the accessibility of the game for me, like I was able to really dive into The world of Pokemon at a much deeper level.

00:06:57.560 --> 00:07:02.269
Before Pokemon Go, I didn't even know what a Shiny was I had to like, look it up on Reddit like, Is it Shiny?

00:07:02.269 --> 00:07:03.560
like, I don't understand, right?

00:07:03.589 --> 00:07:06.209
And I caught my first Shiny in Pokemon Go.

00:07:06.529 --> 00:07:07.589
it was an Alteria.

00:07:07.589 --> 00:07:11.036
and That's just been such a fun thing for me, since then.

00:07:11.047 --> 00:07:17.250
And I've taken that back to the switch and like, in Scarlet and Violet and Sword and Shield, I've shiny hunted on there too.

00:07:17.250 --> 00:07:17.490
Right.

00:07:17.490 --> 00:07:20.321
So I have a lot of fun doing that, in the game.

00:07:20.915 --> 00:07:22.355
Do you have a favorite Pokemon at all?

00:07:22.947 --> 00:07:24.096
I do Decidueye.

00:07:24.399 --> 00:07:25.230
That's my guy.

00:07:25.230 --> 00:07:29.449
he's like this like weird mix of a Pokemon and maybe like Link from Zelda.

00:07:29.747 --> 00:07:34.680
Decidueye is my main, not Hisuian Decidueye, the OG Decidueye, that's my guy.

00:07:34.774 --> 00:07:38.954
That's what I was about to ask because this Hisuian Decidueye, I don't care for as much as myself.

00:07:39.125 --> 00:07:42.954
But it reminds me of, they're like the, I don't know, it sounds like you play Legend of Zelda.

00:07:42.954 --> 00:07:47.064
You remember those bosses that would shoot like apricots or apricorns to the Link?

00:07:47.384 --> 00:07:47.774
yeah.

00:07:47.785 --> 00:07:49.074
That's absolutely right.

00:07:49.074 --> 00:07:49.324
Yeah.

00:07:49.324 --> 00:07:50.495
I never even thought of that.

00:07:50.809 --> 00:07:54.509
you know what it is like, and for me, it's such a nostalgia thing, right?

00:07:54.509 --> 00:07:58.422
Like Hisuian Decidueye might mean something more to me in like five years, right?

00:07:58.422 --> 00:08:02.482
But right now it's like, you know, it came out in Legends Arceus, like it's still a little new.

00:08:02.785 --> 00:08:07.935
So like, I'm a fan, but like, I don't get the same feeling when we're talking about Decidueyes here, right?

00:08:07.935 --> 00:08:08.535
I'm here for the OG.

00:08:09.687 --> 00:08:12.226
Have you stuck with Pokemon throughout, since Gen 1 to now?

00:08:12.824 --> 00:08:13.834
that's a really good question.

00:08:13.843 --> 00:08:14.923
The answer to that is no.

00:08:15.228 --> 00:08:16.017
gen one, right.

00:08:16.017 --> 00:08:18.918
I was nine years old and that's prime time, right?

00:08:18.918 --> 00:08:20.348
Like Pokemon was awesome.

00:08:20.348 --> 00:08:21.927
I had the game boy at all of it.

00:08:21.927 --> 00:08:22.168
Right.

00:08:22.197 --> 00:08:25.387
And then like, I got a little older and other things took priority for me.

00:08:25.387 --> 00:08:25.677
Right.

00:08:25.697 --> 00:08:29.017
And then, this is unfortunate, but I was like, all right, like, I'm in high school.

00:08:29.288 --> 00:08:30.458
I'd love a girlfriend.

00:08:30.754 --> 00:08:32.884
I gotta switch what I'm doing here, right?

00:08:33.144 --> 00:08:45.030
and looking back on that, it was probably real for me because that's how I felt Right, but from like high school to really when I got clean, five years ago, pokemon Was certainly not as big of a part of my life as it is today.

00:08:45.337 --> 00:08:50.385
And that's an interesting part of getting clean, you know, you sort of go back to where you left off.

00:08:50.405 --> 00:08:50.826
Right.

00:08:51.206 --> 00:09:03.610
and I started really diving into drugs and alcohol senior year of high school and then when I was in college and then, after college and, during that time, there's no, for me, right, there was no personal growth.

00:09:03.912 --> 00:09:07.302
There was no really enjoyment of anything that actually brought me joy.

00:09:07.341 --> 00:09:07.621
Right.

00:09:07.621 --> 00:09:12.559
So, after I had like a month or two clean, I was like, what do I even like, what do I like to do?

00:09:12.855 --> 00:09:15.796
And Pokemon was like one of the first things that popped in my head.

00:09:15.846 --> 00:09:18.625
and it's funny cause the last time I really cared about it.

00:09:19.005 --> 00:09:25.291
I was a little kid, I'm 34 now, you know, like, I'm not old, but like, I'm certainly whether I like it or not, I'm an adult, right.

00:09:25.291 --> 00:09:27.301
With like adult responsibilities and stuff.

00:09:27.600 --> 00:09:29.960
Once I put the drugs down what am I gonna pick up?

00:09:30.259 --> 00:09:30.509
You know?

00:09:30.509 --> 00:09:31.299
I put this down.

00:09:31.299 --> 00:09:32.509
What am I gonna pick up now?

00:09:32.610 --> 00:09:32.940
Right?

00:09:33.246 --> 00:09:34.592
I didn't think hard about it.

00:09:34.592 --> 00:09:41.113
It just felt natural I was like i'm gonna get a nintendo ds And I'm going to play Pokemon because that's something I remember loving.

00:09:41.711 --> 00:09:48.261
Did you feel that once you got clean, that maybe the entire time that you were, doing drugs and doing alcohol, that your life, basically stopped?

00:09:48.570 --> 00:09:49.570
Oh, absolutely.

00:09:49.570 --> 00:09:53.490
and it stops in like a more insidious way than you can think, right.

00:09:53.490 --> 00:09:53.889
Like.

00:09:53.889 --> 00:09:56.429
It stops like emotionally, it stops spiritually.

00:09:56.429 --> 00:09:56.679
Right.

00:09:56.679 --> 00:09:59.517
But like why it's so hard is it doesn't, actually stop.

00:09:59.827 --> 00:10:03.238
you still get older, you still meet people, you still can hurt people.

00:10:03.248 --> 00:10:05.347
You can still get friends and lose them.

00:10:05.347 --> 00:10:07.317
You can still get jobs and lose them.

00:10:07.327 --> 00:10:09.977
You can still, all of these things still happen to you.

00:10:10.274 --> 00:10:24.269
it's just whether or not you're there for it and going along with the ride or like digging your heels in and just trying to get one more hit of your drug of choice or, organizing your money in such a way that, you'll be able to buy drugs or, I'll, I'm going to the bar this weekend.

00:10:24.269 --> 00:10:25.828
I want to make sure I can go to the bar, right?

00:10:25.828 --> 00:10:28.263
Like it takes Precedent over everything else.

00:10:28.263 --> 00:10:30.592
And because of that, everything else falls away.

00:10:30.889 --> 00:10:35.235
And before you know it, it's been 10, 15 years and you're like, what the hell am I doing?

00:10:35.534 --> 00:10:40.331
it's like I fell asleep when I was 18 and I woke up when I was 28, 29.

00:10:40.341 --> 00:10:40.541
Right?

00:10:40.541 --> 00:10:42.760
And I was like, oh, damn, how did I get to Philly?

00:10:42.811 --> 00:10:43.541
What am I doing?

00:10:43.849 --> 00:10:44.808
I gotta figure this out,

00:10:45.408 --> 00:10:46.568
what was your drug of choice?

00:10:47.168 --> 00:10:53.048
so I, was prescribed an Adderall prescription when I was very young and that really kicked it off for me.

00:10:53.048 --> 00:10:53.328
Right.

00:10:53.359 --> 00:10:54.749
And that led to cocaine.

00:10:54.749 --> 00:10:58.198
And, fortunately for myself, it never got much harder than that for me.

00:10:58.198 --> 00:10:58.428
Right.

00:10:58.428 --> 00:10:59.158
I smoked weed.

00:10:59.158 --> 00:10:59.668
I drank.

00:10:59.668 --> 00:11:00.469
I took Adderall.

00:11:00.469 --> 00:11:01.969
I used cocaine.

00:11:01.969 --> 00:11:02.259
Right.

00:11:02.572 --> 00:11:03.142
You liked your uppers.

00:11:03.142 --> 00:11:07.287
Like, yeah, I did like my uppers and my five hour energies and all that stuff.

00:11:07.287 --> 00:11:07.616
Right.

00:11:07.907 --> 00:11:13.657
and for a long time before I did recovery I was like, oh, everyone in the world smokes weed and drinks beer, right?

00:11:13.657 --> 00:11:14.427
I'll be fine.

00:11:14.437 --> 00:11:16.307
And, and that's the nature of addiction.

00:11:16.307 --> 00:11:18.136
It's it will lie in wait.

00:11:18.136 --> 00:11:27.626
and wait and before you know it, one day my friend had A little bit of my drug of choice and I was like, hey, let me get some of that And it was off to the races right and it was at that point.

00:11:27.636 --> 00:11:29.356
I realized I was like, oh, okay.

00:11:29.447 --> 00:11:34.239
This is not something I can out think because this is a problem that resides in my mind, right?

00:11:34.239 --> 00:11:35.889
So I can't out think this problem.

00:11:36.217 --> 00:11:45.504
so That combined with my wife turning to me and she was like, you know I can't remember the last time you weren't high and I was like, oh god, that's terrible that's the worst thing i've ever

00:11:45.794 --> 00:11:47.144
Yeah, that must have been a bad feeling.

00:11:47.443 --> 00:11:47.984
yeah,

00:11:48.288 --> 00:11:50.398
Did y'all get together when you were using drugs?

00:11:50.873 --> 00:11:52.023
Yeah, we did.

00:11:52.033 --> 00:11:56.232
And it was in that period where I was like, I thought I had it under control.

00:11:56.243 --> 00:11:56.493
Right.

00:11:56.503 --> 00:11:58.893
And I was just going out and drinking and smoking.

00:11:58.893 --> 00:12:03.283
And it wasn't until I got, because my wife doesn't, she's also not an addict.

00:12:03.283 --> 00:12:03.523
Right.

00:12:03.523 --> 00:12:09.592
And she also isn't a big partier and she's not a big drinker and she doesn't smoke weed right at all.

00:12:09.602 --> 00:12:10.423
She doesn't do any of that.

00:12:10.423 --> 00:12:17.730
So it wasn't until I was with someone who is, quote unquote normal where I was like, damn, when I go out, I drink, I don't just like have a drink.

00:12:17.730 --> 00:12:18.610
I drink

00:12:18.754 --> 00:12:19.664
how much are we talking though?

00:12:19.674 --> 00:12:20.414
Give us some insight.

00:12:21.009 --> 00:12:21.549
it's funny.

00:12:21.559 --> 00:12:28.899
It's I mean like so you go to the bar and you know it's hard to tell how many but like, when your personal bar tabs 70 bucks on a thursday night it's like come on man.

00:12:28.899 --> 00:12:30.549
What do we and you didn't eat anything?

00:12:30.850 --> 00:12:31.350
and it's funny.

00:12:31.350 --> 00:12:37.220
I was talking to a friend the other day of now that I you know You go out I would go out and have like six seven beers, right?

00:12:37.523 --> 00:12:42.278
and how crazy would it be if you and I went Out to dinner and I had six or seven Diet Cokes.

00:12:42.298 --> 00:12:42.607
What?

00:12:42.947 --> 00:12:44.177
Too many Diet Cokes.

00:12:44.337 --> 00:12:49.788
Like no one drinks that much Diet Coke, But like for some reason, beers felt like that was just what you did.

00:12:49.807 --> 00:12:52.837
Or that's what I did, and that was like pretty sustained, right?

00:12:53.107 --> 00:12:55.918
For a long time when I was in college, like I was like, this is normal.

00:12:55.918 --> 00:12:56.947
This is what people do.

00:12:56.947 --> 00:13:04.018
And, I think unfortunately, It's more, well, it's not normal, but like, especially with alcohol, it is much more common.

00:13:04.028 --> 00:13:07.587
It's much more widely accepted to get like fucking smashed.

00:13:07.888 --> 00:13:17.158
but like, then you like, you know, I was watching football the other day and like every third commercials for Budweiser and this and that and Coors Light and it's like really such a part of the culture.

00:13:17.618 --> 00:13:26.951
that not until I removed myself from that aspect of it, did I even realize how prevalent it is in normal life and people who aren't addicts, right.

00:13:26.980 --> 00:13:29.931
But can still go out and on the week, like, Work hard, play hard.

00:13:29.931 --> 00:13:34.020
it's such a normalized thing, at least with alcohol, right?

00:13:34.041 --> 00:13:38.447
And now we're getting there with weed, which you know, and I also don't pass judgment on this, right?

00:13:38.457 --> 00:13:42.291
Just because I can't successfully do this doesn't mean people can, right?

00:13:42.291 --> 00:13:51.613
Like people, just because I'm not someone who can have a glass of wine with dinner or smoke a joint on the weekend doesn't mean that the way it needs to be for everybody, right?

00:13:51.613 --> 00:13:53.442
Because that's not how it works, right?

00:13:53.442 --> 00:14:01.655
There are people out there that, get a lot of joy from this, and are still able to have meaningful, productive, sustainable, manageable lives, right?

00:14:02.035 --> 00:14:03.255
I'm just not one of those people.

00:14:03.850 --> 00:14:20.572
You know, what you said reminds me of people who go through maybe some traumatic experience or traumatic part of their life I've noticed, especially for my life, sometimes that trauma becomes a new normal to where, you know, on the outside, when you see somebody who's maybe normally functioning or they see it and it's like, dude, that's not normal.

00:14:20.903 --> 00:14:24.802
but for us, when we're on the inside looking out, it's perfectly everyday.

00:14:24.802 --> 00:14:32.513
Like for you, for alcohol, it's like, oh yeah, have a drink, go into a bar multiple times a week, having, you know, eight glasses of beer seems normal.

00:14:33.457 --> 00:14:33.488
Right.

00:14:33.788 --> 00:14:34.118
It's funny.

00:14:34.118 --> 00:14:42.967
But even your reaction to me saying I have 67 beers like you said, Oh, geez, like even now I'm like, yeah, like, why else would I even be at the bar unless I'm not drinking nine beers?

00:14:42.977 --> 00:14:44.900
Like, there's no other reason to go there, right?

00:14:45.205 --> 00:14:48.315
there's constant reminders that the way I think about this stuff, right?

00:14:48.315 --> 00:14:49.654
And the way I interact with it.

00:14:49.738 --> 00:14:54.618
wasn't normal, even though, like, I couldn't identify any other way to live life.

00:14:54.924 --> 00:14:57.205
when I got clean, I was so concerned.

00:14:57.215 --> 00:15:00.044
Like, I was like, are my friends going to even be my friends anymore?

00:15:00.044 --> 00:15:04.424
Are, how, who am I going to be if I'm not partying?

00:15:05.018 --> 00:15:12.097
Is it that fear that you're not going to be the same person and you're scared of who you would be without having the alcohol or the drugs in your system?

00:15:12.697 --> 00:15:14.837
Well, sure, and like, that's a real thing, right?

00:15:14.837 --> 00:15:16.337
Like, can I go out and socialize?

00:15:16.677 --> 00:15:19.682
without Adderall, Can I be productive at hard work?

00:15:19.927 --> 00:15:23.758
And that's a, that's a legitimate concern for you because we're talking 10 years, it sounds like, of your

00:15:23.847 --> 00:15:24.628
yeah, yeah.

00:15:24.868 --> 00:15:25.538
Oh yeah.

00:15:25.538 --> 00:15:28.317
and like 10 very foundational years, right?

00:15:28.317 --> 00:15:29.668
Like my first job, right.

00:15:29.687 --> 00:15:33.908
My first internship, my first rent payment, my first real relationship.

00:15:34.280 --> 00:15:38.961
I mean, even my relationship that ended in marriage started when I was an active addiction.

00:15:38.961 --> 00:15:39.201
Right.

00:15:39.201 --> 00:15:43.918
So like a lot of really important things took place while I was using.

00:15:44.217 --> 00:15:53.955
I've been fortunate enough to put some clean time together and it's still the same feeling now that I'm clean and I've started building a new life and it's building even faster.

00:15:54.384 --> 00:16:04.565
There's so much built on the foundation of my recovery that like, I can't afford to not take it seriously because My line of work has changed and I have people who rely on me now.

00:16:04.884 --> 00:16:09.044
My wife is able to rely on me in ways that she wasn't able to before, right?

00:16:09.044 --> 00:16:11.304
Like I'm in school, I have a job, right?

00:16:11.304 --> 00:16:14.634
I have a mortgage, like all of these things have come since I've got clean.

00:16:14.947 --> 00:16:16.668
And so in like the inverse, right?

00:16:16.668 --> 00:16:31.681
Like now I have all of this stuff, That I have a lot to lose now, which used to freak me out, but now it's a really, really good motivator when I don't want to go to a meeting or you know I don't want to do the work that my recovery has shown to me works, right?

00:16:31.681 --> 00:16:40.831
It's a really good motivator to like look at what you've got By just taking it one day at a time and listening to other people and doing things that bring you real joy, right?

00:16:40.831 --> 00:16:45.941
Like, there's a lot of proof in the pudding in my life right now and, that's something I try and remain super aware of.

00:16:46.534 --> 00:16:51.855
Before you got clean, were there points where you tried to get clean or you had motivations to want to get clean?

00:16:52.054 --> 00:16:55.495
Or were you just more indulging in that lifestyle without a second thought?

00:16:56.128 --> 00:16:57.148
it's not a yes or no.

00:16:57.148 --> 00:16:57.398
Right.

00:16:57.418 --> 00:17:01.400
Because there were times when I was like, all right, this is a little out of hand.

00:17:01.410 --> 00:17:14.498
Like there were times when I knew that I shouldn't be taking uppers like when you're awake for two days, you do some weird things and I would write myself notes in the night and be like, this is not working for me, you know, read this when you're coming down, right?

00:17:14.498 --> 00:17:16.847
Like you don't want to do this even when you're high, right?

00:17:16.847 --> 00:17:28.657
Like I said, like there's nothing, there's no way to out think it certainly not alone, at least, okay, let me speak for myself, there was no way that I could out think it, there was no way that I could outmaneuver it.

00:17:28.698 --> 00:17:29.038
Right.

00:17:29.335 --> 00:17:34.576
one of the things, when you're living in active addiction is when you're not high, all you think about is getting high, right?

00:17:34.576 --> 00:17:38.405
So I wasn't thinking about what I was writing to myself, right?

00:17:38.405 --> 00:17:40.316
I wasn't thinking about what I thought, right?

00:17:40.316 --> 00:17:42.465
I was thinking like, okay, I can't think clearly.

00:17:42.685 --> 00:17:44.516
I'll be able to think more clearly about this.

00:17:44.516 --> 00:17:46.029
Once I can get 1 in, right?

00:17:46.329 --> 00:17:50.900
So there was like a three year stretch, like I mentioned, right, where I didn't use uppers, right?

00:17:51.200 --> 00:17:52.079
and I was like, I did it.

00:17:52.279 --> 00:17:52.809
We're good.

00:17:52.809 --> 00:17:53.880
I'm normal, right?

00:17:54.289 --> 00:17:56.059
I can party like everyone else, right?

00:17:56.160 --> 00:17:59.680
and like I said, it's that insidious nature, and addiction lies in weight.

00:17:59.730 --> 00:18:01.470
And that's the scary thing.

00:18:01.470 --> 00:18:02.869
Like, you might make it three years.

00:18:02.869 --> 00:18:04.130
You might make it five years.

00:18:04.130 --> 00:18:05.440
You might make it ten years.

00:18:05.490 --> 00:18:07.079
But all it takes is one day.

00:18:07.385 --> 00:18:08.695
One bad decision.

00:18:08.695 --> 00:18:09.323
and you're back.

00:18:09.323 --> 00:18:12.563
and that's a really dangerous thing with, certain hard drugs.

00:18:12.563 --> 00:18:12.853
Right?

00:18:12.942 --> 00:18:17.502
so like, like I live in Philadelphia and there's like a huge opioid epidemic.

00:18:17.673 --> 00:18:21.665
Well, not just in Philly, but like, Philly is particularly plagued.

00:18:21.980 --> 00:18:23.529
it's something you see a lot, right?

00:18:23.569 --> 00:18:36.750
Is people will go to treatment, they'll come back, they'll use once and That's a wrap, Because they go back to using the same amount that they've always used and if you are able to put it down for a month, you need to be very careful.

00:18:37.039 --> 00:18:38.430
and that's the scary thing, right?

00:18:38.430 --> 00:18:42.369
It can be a month, it can be a day, it can be three hours, it can be ten years, right?

00:18:42.670 --> 00:18:49.586
more often than not, if left to your own devices, your addiction is there and it's waiting and it's just waiting for you to...

00:18:49.611 --> 00:18:54.871
get let go from your job or break up with your girlfriend or, lose someone you care about.

00:18:55.178 --> 00:19:01.785
And it shows up when you're at your weakest and really regains control and with certain drugs, that is incredibly dangerous.

00:19:01.795 --> 00:19:04.325
It's an incredibly dangerous balancing act.

00:19:04.936 --> 00:19:07.896
You've been listening to as the Pokeball turns.

00:19:08.224 --> 00:19:09.625
We're going to take a quick break.

00:19:09.924 --> 00:19:11.005
We'll be right back.

00:20:15.999 --> 00:20:19.449
So how was Pokemon able to help you on this road to recovery?

00:20:19.818 --> 00:20:22.148
Was it the catalyst that kind of led you to be clean?

00:20:22.159 --> 00:20:24.868
Or was it something that kind of helped you stay clean?

00:20:25.423 --> 00:20:27.144
So it's something that helped me stay clean.

00:20:27.144 --> 00:20:27.433
Right.

00:20:27.453 --> 00:20:29.834
So, like I was saying, right, I was like, okay, now what?

00:20:29.834 --> 00:20:30.044
Right.

00:20:30.094 --> 00:20:30.933
I'm not doing drugs.

00:20:30.933 --> 00:20:31.644
I have all this free time.

00:20:32.144 --> 00:20:32.923
What do I do?

00:20:32.923 --> 00:20:33.183
Right.

00:20:33.183 --> 00:20:34.263
What do I do with my time?

00:20:34.614 --> 00:20:37.703
and I'm so grateful that like, I didn't think hard about it.

00:20:37.703 --> 00:20:43.993
Just fit into my life at the time and you know, I think like a lot of people who are my age who still play Pokemon, right?

00:20:44.358 --> 00:20:45.528
It's a nostalgia thing.

00:20:45.608 --> 00:20:47.078
Like, it makes me feel safe.

00:20:47.078 --> 00:20:48.368
It makes me feel happy.

00:20:48.429 --> 00:20:50.318
it's a little bit of escapism, right?

00:20:50.318 --> 00:20:56.261
You know, if if I'm waiting in line at the grocery store and it's loud and it's crowded, but I'm playing Pokemon Go, like, that's not that bad, right?

00:20:56.261 --> 00:21:00.811
Like, um, and so it's been a really good thing, to help me relax.

00:21:00.811 --> 00:21:01.041
Right?

00:21:01.041 --> 00:21:03.692
Like, when I got clean, right, I felt weird going out into public.

00:21:03.692 --> 00:21:05.501
I felt weird making new friends.

00:21:05.501 --> 00:21:06.642
I felt weird.

00:21:06.692 --> 00:21:07.471
I felt weird.

00:21:07.471 --> 00:21:07.791
Right?

00:21:08.102 --> 00:21:11.491
but here's this game that like, you can build a community around.

00:21:11.501 --> 00:21:20.565
You can have a reason to go to the park and find people who are plugged into their phones out of their backpack and be like, Hey, like, you want to be friends, you want to trade, how many shinies have you caught?

00:21:20.565 --> 00:21:20.775
Right?

00:21:20.775 --> 00:21:25.265
Like it was a good excuse to get out into the world, which I desperately needed.

00:21:25.869 --> 00:21:35.779
So Pokemon Go allowed you to be able to establish a new connection, away from your past life, into a current one, to where it's around Pokemon if you grew up with Pokemon Red, and even the new ones that come out.

00:21:36.076 --> 00:21:37.737
you play Pokemon Go with other people, I assume?

00:21:38.067 --> 00:21:38.436
Yeah.

00:21:38.436 --> 00:21:40.910
So, it definitely like waxes and wanes.

00:21:40.910 --> 00:21:41.170
Right.

00:21:41.170 --> 00:21:43.319
So right now I'm so busy right now.

00:21:43.400 --> 00:21:46.859
I've got like 14 hour days, like six days a week right now.

00:21:46.859 --> 00:21:49.900
So right now it's really hard to meet up with the local community.

00:21:49.940 --> 00:21:51.799
I do miss remote raid passes.

00:21:51.799 --> 00:21:52.900
I'm one of those people.

00:21:53.210 --> 00:22:02.826
Over my time in Philly, yeah, like, I was on the discord, we would meet up every Wednesday for raid day and walk up and down, uh, people who I had, I, I had never met in my life before, right.

00:22:02.876 --> 00:22:04.457
And before, you're getting rides with them.

00:22:04.457 --> 00:22:07.683
If someone says, Hey, there's a perfect IV Pokemon at the or whatever, right.

00:22:07.683 --> 00:22:11.358
Like we're jumping in each other's cars, strangers, going to Catch this.

00:22:11.388 --> 00:22:12.338
It was so fun.

00:22:12.632 --> 00:22:23.288
and I'm looking forward to having a little bit more of a, once I'm out of my master's program and I'm not in school and I don't have an internship and I don't have a job and I have like one thing to take care of professionally.

00:22:23.538 --> 00:22:23.719
Right.

00:22:23.719 --> 00:22:26.709
I'm looking forward to digging back into that discord community.

00:22:26.709 --> 00:22:28.378
That's still pretty active, I think.

00:22:28.979 --> 00:22:33.439
I think it shows a lot of growth, because you talk about a lot of stress that's on your, plate right now.

00:22:33.679 --> 00:22:36.910
You've got the school, you've got your wife, you've got work, you've got...

00:22:36.910 --> 00:22:49.769
Homework but the fact that you know, here you are we're talking five years sober and You have all this stress all this stuff on your plate, but you're able to manage it in your own way Whether it's with Pokemon go or other ways, I think shows a lot of how much you've changed in my opinion

00:22:50.450 --> 00:22:51.779
Oh, I appreciate that.

00:22:51.779 --> 00:22:52.019
Right.

00:22:52.069 --> 00:22:54.961
And like that, all these stressors are still stressors.

00:22:54.961 --> 00:22:55.431
and.

00:22:55.451 --> 00:22:58.201
I don't have the luxury of like, oh, today was a long day.

00:22:58.201 --> 00:22:59.261
I'm gonna go grab a beer.

00:22:59.261 --> 00:22:59.551
Right?

00:22:59.551 --> 00:23:01.971
I have to come home and I have to feel stressed.

00:23:02.285 --> 00:23:14.064
And at times like this, I need to remind myself that this was my goal, This was my goal when I got clean, to have work that's worth doing, to care about it, to feel like I'm doing a good job, and this was my goal.

00:23:14.434 --> 00:23:15.984
I did this on purpose, right?

00:23:15.984 --> 00:23:25.294
This was my goal so I try and stay in that gratitude around How busy I am and how hectic my life is right because I did this on purpose.

00:23:25.901 --> 00:23:29.309
say you could talk to your 17 year old self, what would you tell him?

00:23:29.909 --> 00:23:46.659
I would tell him to Not worry as much About what other people were doing, what other people were thinking, what other people were saying, I would encourage 17 year old me to be more at peace with who he was, and that everything is going to be okay, I think that's what I would tell myself.

00:23:46.961 --> 00:23:50.031
Everything's going to be okay cause I needed to hear that at some point.

00:23:50.640 --> 00:23:53.730
Now you've talked about how you've dived into collecting the Pokemon cards.

00:23:54.028 --> 00:23:55.377
What is it about like collecting them?

00:23:55.377 --> 00:24:00.593
Are you trying to collect like the whole collection, like a set that comes out or do you like to collect your favorites?

00:24:01.195 --> 00:24:05.405
I bounce around from how I want to collect and really it depends on what I open.

00:24:05.415 --> 00:24:07.076
I love to open cards, right?

00:24:07.076 --> 00:24:10.469
I love to buy booster boxes, I've done Yu Gi Oh cards.

00:24:10.469 --> 00:24:15.638
I've done magic, the gathering cards, but I always really settle on Pokemon cards and, Again, it's a nostalgia thing.

00:24:15.935 --> 00:24:17.655
I was there when base set came out.

00:24:17.655 --> 00:24:22.625
I remember having base set cards, those base set booster packs are like 300 today.

00:24:22.625 --> 00:24:25.115
I remember going to buy them for 2.

00:24:25.115 --> 00:24:27.486
95 at the car store, like 2 and 95 cents.

00:24:27.486 --> 00:24:27.766
Right.

00:24:27.766 --> 00:24:29.685
Like, goes back to Pokemon go, right?

00:24:29.895 --> 00:24:31.076
I've loved collecting.

00:24:31.378 --> 00:24:32.788
I think the cards are beautiful.

00:24:32.788 --> 00:24:38.659
Like I just like to open them, see what I get, put them in my nice binder, share them on Instagram, right?

00:24:38.659 --> 00:24:44.042
Like, I think they're gorgeous, at one point I, had a whole living Pokédex of cards, right?

00:24:44.042 --> 00:24:45.782
I had one of every Pokémon card.

00:24:46.083 --> 00:24:52.068
I've since taken those binders apart and reorganized my cards, but like, whatever I feel like doing with them at the time is right for me.

00:24:52.655 --> 00:24:54.556
I have currently a Pokedex of cards.

00:24:54.556 --> 00:25:01.246
I tried to do my favorite ones of each Pokemon, but there's so many good arts nowadays, it's hard for me to choose one.

00:25:01.256 --> 00:25:09.476
Like, I almost want to just scrap, like, do what you did and just scrap it and just start collecting as many as I could because there's just so many cool designs for each Pokemon that it's hard to pick one.

00:25:09.782 --> 00:25:10.022
Yeah.

00:25:10.022 --> 00:25:15.679
And then every now and then you'll encounter a card that you realize hasn't been printed like Tyrant is a perfect example.

00:25:15.979 --> 00:25:17.358
There's like six Tyrant cards.

00:25:17.358 --> 00:25:19.689
None of them are like full arts or anything like that.

00:25:19.989 --> 00:25:25.729
First of all, I, of course, I want all six of these like normal, uncommon and common Tyrant cards cause the art on them is gorgeous.

00:25:25.729 --> 00:25:33.068
But it's funny when you're paying attention to like the cards that aren't Charizard and Mewtwo and, the heavy hitters in the card world, right?

00:25:33.078 --> 00:25:36.709
Like there's so many details and so many good cards out there.

00:25:37.009 --> 00:25:41.888